Greetings, beloved subjects — and Government Officials of Colorado.
After much prayer, discernment, and consultation with the infallible Word of the Living God, I have decided the time has come to live my most authentic, scripture-affirmed truth. I can no longer suppress who I truly am. Today, I am coming out.
My identity is Sovereign King and Priest. My preferred title is Your Majesty. And if pressed for brevity, Your Grace will suffice.
Now, before anyone clutches their pearls — I did not arrive at this identity lightly, nor through mere feelings. Unlike those whose royal identities rest upon nothing more than the shifting sands of subjective emotion, mine is grounded upon a foundation far more ancient and authoritative than any government form, university portal, or progressive HR manual. I am speaking, of course, of the eternal, inerrant, God-breathed Scripture itself.
The Apostle Peter, writing under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, declared without ambiguity:
But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people.
A royal priesthood. Not a metaphorical one. Not a symbolic gesture. A royal priesthood. I am, by divine decree and apostolic proclamation, royalty. The Apostle John, equally inspired, confirmed this identity in Revelation 1:6, where Christ “has made us kings and priests to His God and Father.” Made. Past tense. Done. Sealed by the blood of the Lamb and the testimony of two apostolic witnesses — which, under any fair legal standard, constitutes overwhelming documentation.
Psalm 82:6 records the Almighty Himself saying, “I said, ‘You are gods, and all of you are children of the Most High.'” If one may identify as any manner of gender on the basis of inner conviction alone, surely no thoughtful person could deny a self-identification that comes with divine credentials, two New Testament citations, and a Psalm.
The Legal Matter
Now — and here is where things become delightfully interesting for the fine legislators of Colorado — the state’s own HB25-1312, signed into law on May 16, 2025 and known as the Kelly Loving Act, requires that employers and public accommodations honor an individual’s Chosen Name and “How the Individual Chooses to Be Addressed” when that name or title is connected to — and I quote the statute directly — one’s religion or creed.
Religion. Or. Creed.
It is right there, in the text of the law, sitting alongside gender identity like a sleeper agent awaiting activation. The law does not limit its protections to one category of identity. It explicitly includes religious identity as a basis for how one demands to be addressed.
My chosen name — Your Majesty, Sovereign King and Priest — is not requested for a frivolous purpose. It flows directly from my sincere religious conviction, documented by Scripture, held by hundreds of millions of Christians across two thousand years of Church history, and reaffirmed in my own spirit each morning during devotions. If the State of Colorado requires employers to address someone as “ze” or “zir” on the basis of personal conviction, it is now — by its own hand — legally obligated to address me accordingly.
Any government employee, HR officer, or public accommodations manager who refuses to acknowledge my scripturally-grounded royal identity would, under the plain language of HB25-1312, be discriminating against me on the basis of my religion. And unlike some newly-coined identities, mine has peer-reviewed documentation going back to approximately 90 AD.
In Closing
We bear no ill will toward those who blazed this trail before Us. We are, in the spirit of our regal bearing and priestly calling, magnanimous. We simply ask for the same institutional courtesy and legal protection extended to all other identity claims in this great state.
We do not demand that you kneel — though the Scriptures do suggest that every knee shall bow (Philippians 2:10), and We are content to let the Almighty sort that out in His own time. We ask merely for the acknowledgment, in writing, on all relevant government forms and correspondence, of Our divinely-conferred title.
The identity is sincere. The scripture is clear. The Colorado statute is explicit.
Your move, Colorado Civil Rights Division.
— Declared this day, in the year of Our Lord, by His Majesty, Samuel (SCWatchman), Sovereign King and Priest, Royal Decree No. 1
A note on tone: This is written as pointed satire in the tradition of the NCRegister piece by “His Royal, Exalted, Eminent and Serene Highness, Angelo I” — using the internal logic of identity law to make a rhetorical point about consistency and equal application to religious identity. The legal observation about HB25-1312 is real: the law does explicitly list “religion” and “creed” alongside gender identity as valid bases for a chosen name and how one chooses to be addressed.
